“Gba! Gba!! Gbam!!! Center!!!!”
My sleep was shattered into a million pieces as an official cracked into the room. It was about 5am. The crickets were still producing their usually silence breaking world album. The Frogs added bass to the music while the mosquitoes hummed around taking dosage of blood in exchange for some parasites that can give you a week admission in the dispensary.
Saturday mornings are unique. The rising bell was never heard because the “gba gba gbam” replaced it. This was a routine till SS2.
My first Saturday morning in FEGO was like that of a king. Some students came around to clean up the hostel. I was in New Block and we were the newest bride. We took our bath, wore our white and green and loafed on our beds as the JS2 boys mopped the room. It was quick but i heard it was an inspection. That was the 1st of many experienced in FEGO.
The race to the Saturday morning show of hypocritic cleanliness starts from Friday afternoon. Junior boys and SS1 boys are “gidi-ed” after the Friday afternoon Eba and Obe – unless you are blessed with the occasional Ewedu that slimes across the hall. A good number of boys don’t show up to avoid being “gidi-ed“.
The boys are lined up like slaves in Timbuktu slave market and ushered into their rooms in preparation of the next day. Some are blessed with blisters, others are cursed with itching hands and scabbies, no thanks from mopping.
By Saturday morning, everyone is rounded up to Mainblock with only a third left behind to tender to the grasses at the back of the hostel. Unless, there is no inspection, Saturday begins very early.
The floors were cleaned in readiness for the inspection. Beds are laid in white with a checked cover wear to identify the house. Everyone is expected to present a bucket covered with a hoe, a cutlass, a bunch of broom, a cup and a set of cutlery. The room heads usually scold the defaulters but that was not the real inspection.
So what was the real inspection? Two staff flanked by the head boy and any other non-house prefect and a female prefect to add some sizzle to the routine. They match by slowly making notes for compilation. It happens in a moment, characterised by silence initially preluded by the opening “Good Morning Sir, you are welcome to Cross House, God bless you sir“. I wonder if they award marks for the greeting.
Air freshners are usually sprayed just before the arrival of the entourage. The spray was needed because I can’t remember anyone bathing before the inspection.
After the inspection, everything begins to return to status quo. Personal items are carted away to reduce the risk of being fapped. Bowls are brought it for zapes before the late food bell signified the readiness of the hot yam and stew.
Laundry follows after breakfast with the inspection forgotten till Monday morning when the results are announced.
What are your fond memories of that Saturday morning inspection?
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